im at fault-hither and thither

Give the world the best you have-and it never be enough. Funny rite, do the best you can do to satisfy everybody and yet they mock and mock and talk bad about you. Ironically when they need to seek help or ideas, this very tiny, unimportant person would be the first choice. Life is weird somehow. I must admit, right now I’m facing the hardest time. I was happy before, and my life was a worth living, but now all the glorious, cheerful time has gone with the wind. I know it’s not easy to find friends who can be exactly the same with the one who were with us before. What I can’t accept is that no matter how hard I tried, I just can’t get rid of this feeling. Still, I need my friends. MY FRIENDS!



I’m sick of this depressing life. I don’t have the strength to tell the very same story ever again. The breathlessness continues until I eventually stop talking and bottle up my feeling. I can barely speak a word to anybody. I don’t think the world is round anymore and no matter how long you trace where the rainbow ends, you’ll never found it.



I wonder how could people be so bad and heart be so fragile.

People are often unreasonable illogical and self centered
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Be kind anyway

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies
Succeed anyway

If you are honest and frank they may cheat you
Be forthright anyway

What you spend years building they may destroy
Over night
Build anyway

The good you do today they often will forget tomorrow
Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have and it will never be enough
Give the world the best you got anyway

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway

Ps: For a “friend” who jerks at bloggers who use blog to express their frustration, dissatisfaction etc rather than facing the person themselves, I think you’re wrong. It is way better from people who blow themselves up in blogging (gotcha!)Remind you, write to express, not to impress. Say anything, I just don’t care. It’s my blog anyway.

March 31,2009

back to dat place..again!

• Few hours left before I go back to Penang. This holiday was totally a hectic one, as I spent most of my time doing homework and assignment. Well I think I got new definition of holiday btw! Wholly-used day! :D

• I wished I've used my time wiser, since I dont think I spent much time on revising. Thruout this hols, I just finished my homework, prepared for the presentation and little bit of revising. It was scary, sure it did. The exam is just round the corner, and I dont think Im well prepared for it. Seriously Im not! Lazy bone :P

• Btw I got a bad news. Its not bad but you know..At least it sounds bad.My dad just lost bout 3000rm. Not stolen or lost, but on me.Ok thats the price to pay for having a child like me..Owh Im such a bad daughter,kan? But its ok Abah, its a good investment. I'll promise to study MORE! hehe~thanks for the present! (yes,its a present!)

• What more?? Owh, bout Monday. On Monday, I'll be having my LDV presentation, ALONE, and its part of the assignment! OMG now I wish I am The Big Mouth! But as The Big Hand, Im sure I'll be ok in writing. Gee~ calm down,calm down..its just another presentation..I can do it..yeah! But but but (theres always be but) at night, I'll also be having my Social Study class, which will be for the revision question, and the first group will be...mine! Gosh! Why I always be the lucky number 1? *first come first severed* And the lecturer will be.. Miss Pat. Owh Im thrilled *.* So to Dolphins, I guess there will be no more clubbing. *bubbye mommy zouk* We'll be focusing more on our mock exam. Know your priority!!

• As I dont finish my work yet, and I dont even pack my things, I guess its better for me to stop here. Hopefully tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow will be a good day. Wish me luck!

xoxo,

S.

.death like conception.

death like conception

arrives with the whims of fate

or the gentleness

of the moment.

now death stood in your soul,

the tenant body has surrendered

its blood and life-redness

to its owner,

stock-taker

but death should not come

to the pulsating cells,

not after convalescene,

the rest of renewal.

but it came

and it took you along.

home is where

you return at last,

at the end of the truncated

winding road..

to baby Umar Hamzah, may you rest in peace.

Al-Fatihah.

a vanished friend called---"It"

A vanished friend, but ironically the person is still here but it seems like the person is near but yet so far away. Not talking, not sharing. Just living our days assuming that we never know each other. Ermm..okay. Not that bad. But doesn’t it hurts to know that someone who used to be closed to us choose to isolate us (in their own way of course) and both pretend that we don’t matter much to each other? Owh its so damned yes!! Its hurt!!

My vanished friend—or can I called it “It” hurts me so much when “It” choose to draw a line between us. We used to be very close but then without we realizing we’re going apart. It’s so obvious that “It” don’t want me to be in its bunch of friends, providing all of them are “good” people and I don’t belong with them. Its all started when someone new came in our friendship. At first “It” was fine; “It” seemed okay with the newbie. But then “It” started to act weird, keep looking for my fault and everything seem wrong in “its” eyes. And now, even when I text “It”, its either no reply or an-hour-delayed-reply. Friendship is weird isn’t it? I always thought that friends don’t leave, but now I learn that they will eventually leave when they feel like leaving us. Unfortunately in my case I was the one who was blamed, ironically for being left behind.

One question, are we good enough to judge others? I don’t mean daily gossiping judging people in the basis of clothes or attitude, but harshly telling people that they are bad and not as good as you. This is what “It” did to me. Providing “It” is sooooooooooooooo damned good that "It” feels that "It” is a better person. I don’t like to talk bad about people but this thing really drives me up the wall. Funny rite accusing people for being bad when you are actually worse than them but hiding all your wrongdoings with all the pious thing you claimed you did. Poor friend, I think you should see yourself first and think back are you good enough to talk somebody else’s wrongdoings. I maybe bad from your eyes, but at least there are things that I didn’t do, but you,(the pious one) do.

For all these time I’ve been defending “It” from others who say bad things about “It” , that “It” is narrow minded, harsh, rude, hypocrite just because I thought we are friends. But now I proudly say that they are right. You’re no good. And for the first time ever, I don’t regret losing a friend. A fake friend, and I called it "It"

ps: Poor grammar, I know. Mixed of emotions are trembling inside me.But since neither Madam Lee nor Mr Teoh would read this, I dont really care. Mind my English :D

.dolphins.in.pangkor.

Its not that we've found dolphins in pangkor, but its our group, these are the pics of team Dolphins went to pangkor a few days back. The camp was super duper *tuut* dat I gotta find a more peaceful day to blog bout it. Here are some pics and believe me, I got many more to be published. But for now..

.dolphins.and.friends.

.dolphins.on ferry.

.dolphins.camwhoring.

.dolphins.at.jetty.

theres more to come soon dearies..
xoxo!

.hurts.like.hell.

Life is weird sometimes. You can’t expect the future at all. If you wanna be safe, expect the unexpectable so one day when the time has arrive, it won’t hurt much. I was badly injured in and out, for I always believe in happy ending, where everybody will be equally pleased. I do make mistakes but I don’t regret it. It was who I am, but I’ve changed. I know I’ve wronged someone in the past for being super duper childish, stupid and inconsiderable. But it was in the past...and what I’m asking for now is a second chance..


I know we can’t expect things to be just the way we want but, all this time, I’ve been living with one faith. The one that I just realized only keeping me from moving on. One thing that never allow me to be truthfully happy.


I just wanna scream and lose control.Throw my hands up and let it go.Forget about everything and runaway.I just want to fall and lose myself.Laughing so hard it hurts like hell.Forget about everything and runaway.

.mixed.of.emotion.

.hectic.
.tiring.
.challenging.

-epitome of life-

This week was tough enough to make me realize that life is a long journey and we actually got less time than we thought. Everyone got their own path to go through, and whether they can make it or not, its all depend on them. Im all stressed up wit all this thingy. Sometimes I felt Im not strong enough to go on, but I keep holding on to faith that good times gonna come sooner or later. But faith is not a guarantee that things gonna be all right in the future~ I think Im geting lazier btw..You know, how it feels to face the same thing every day and make you sick of it (like a devil sick of sin) Im revolting, trembling, yelling, drowning.. and other -ings that u can think of. The most annoying thing that had happened- I got this super sexy voice. Its obviously sexy till I could hardly say a word T.T

But there were good things that had happened along this week. Out to Disterd College for International Woman Day meeting. It was awesome, except the act that we nearly missed our Asar prayer because the person in charge was really excited in making plan for the celebration. I was worried that we gonna have to have a “sleepover” there. But fortunately, we managed to perform our prayer at last, and it was in Gurney! Well, Disterd don’t have surau I think coz all the students were nons- and to our surprise, were the only Malay representatives for that occasion. And on that day, I could tell, IPPs were more shining that any of the KDUs or SEGIs. Wee~

We also had a great time doing some “art” there. Ok, mencapab is really a nature I here, not nurture.Ngeh3~

.me.pyan.

.pyan.me.anis.zalia.


.zalia.pyan.me.anis.

Only now I remember. Got something to do lah! I should come out with the proposal next week.Haiyak~Any idea for telematch anyone?

And also, we had a wonderful tyme during ELC’s Chinese New Year celebration. At least with all those red thingies there I felt as if my spirit were also boost up^^ Cohort 2, believe me, we looked super duper cool in red! Luv these pix~

Im just wondering why am I writing this, while I still got tons of works to do..??

mucas gracias amigos!

Olidey is over and obviously good times gonna go away (sorry to say, aqualung). Currently feeling dizzy bout the ss thingy. A few lines dat make my previous days unbearable (or is it me exaggerating dat ). And they all come from her:

WHAT IS THE EFFECTS OF CULTURE ON GENDER? IDENTIFY THE SOCIETY. ANALYSE TE EFFECTS OF THE CULTURE ON THAT PARTICULAR SOCIETY ON GENDER.

*blurry blurry*sumone shed sum lite!!

=.=

why must we learn this??

besides questioning every single person dat come across in my mind, I took a very safe step.hehehe~

“yang, tawu x any culture yg bley affects gender?”

….and send it to 01720*****…

wait..

wait..

10 seconds…

then *ringing* but from unknown number..

“yana,…………………………..” (I cut it short)
“…………”

then I heard some noise thru my phone. Like people quarreling or so..But then I realize that those people are discussing bout d question dat I ask.Huu~who are they actually? They r tesl seniors from IPDA, leader: Ayunee Hanim aka my sayang. Im so grateful with their help. They activate the loudspeaker and start discussing, and me, listen and jot down the point. Wee~Lucky me..


Credits to Ayoon and others that I dun even know their name, except Vicky. Lain kali tolong lagi. Hehe..At least I got some ideas and even if I opt to choose another point, I’ll never forget their help. Mucas gracias amigos~*and oso million thx for the one who willingly spend the credit 2 call me just now*


And not to forget, Happy 19th Birthday to my sayam, Yak! May God bless u oweys. I noe my simple sms do makes you happy aite*giggling* Be a good future doctor! Luv ya.. Muah3..LOL~

[wanna sleep]

.reminiscence of my hooha group.

I always think that life is not fair to separate me from my lovettes. Whenever I got problem or something bad come out, I will sigh and hope that all my lovettes are there to help me. I just cudnt stop comparing my other friends with them. But for sure, they’d never be replaced. They’re always have the special place in my life. Because they’re the ones who make me realized that friendship is not about who comes first or who stays longer, it’s all about who comes and never leave.

::midie my sengalest class rep::

What makes me post this entry is not because I suddenly think bout them or I got problem and I need them to comfort me, but it always good to reminisce old days with our beloved friends. Last night my friend, Midie who’s currently in Jakarta texted me telling how much he missed our friends. Me too Midie, I missed you all damned much! Hopefully your jantung and tulang xm went on smoothly today. Tawakal is a must tau! Hehe.. And after that, Sarah who’s currently in Egypt texted me, also bout the ‘missing’2 thingy. Missed you so Sarah gedixx!!

::afiq my abang long (left)::

And just now, Afiq who’s the nearest to me of all (except the fact that he’s in mainland and Im in the island) texted me. It have been long since we last have a long chat so there were lotsa thing to say. Thanks for missing me friend! I do missed you too lah~wee..We talked about old days and the most important thing, bout his girl. Cum’on la Afiq, theres nothing to worry lah. She’s good ryte if not how cud you fall for her at the first place?? Im sure you can get over your internal conflict soon. Be confident of yourself okey? Be happy^^Shameful lah my Abang Long be this weak. Huhu~ And yeah..bout Mr Redza getting enganged without telling us. Cruel lah sir *growl*

::sarah+me+tan::

When I look back these entire things, I realized that life’s not easy for all of us. It’s not only me who faced these kinds of situations but also them. The difference is that the way we handle things. But one thing Im sure of is that Im blessed to have them. We might be separated by distance, but we know that we live in each others and no matter what happens, we’ll stay this way.

.LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH.

my dewdrops bliss

[ me spotted in the dolphins saver squad]

Im home..finally! Dunnoe how to describe the feeling of being home. Happy, but at the same time, feel tied to a bundle of work. Gee~ How can I enjoy the bliss of being home with all this craps clinging to me? This idyllic atmosphere I enjoy would be as short as dewdrops in the morning. Aftawards, Im all dried up.*sigh* And I got a lot in my list-to-do. With my lappy and handphone being currently a lil bit mereng, my spirit is totally been demotivated. Also, I got a movie marathon to finish. It’s a must!! I always practice edutainment, coz education n entertainment must be on-da-go for me^^


Arrived home around 4am, I continued ma sleep soundly until bout 11. Waa, what a comfy! Havent been this carefree since I first arrived in IPP for dis sem. Today, I did nothing *in p&p la* I just start ma movie marathon, watch Korean series and o9. What a day^^ But tomorrow Im gonna start my work. Working like theres no tomorrow I will (or at least I hope so).


One thing, I oledy got d green light from my dad, to buy “dat thing”. Aww~Im bloody happy today. If I eva know this persuading session would be this easy, I might have done it long ago. Whatever it is, this is one of the privilege to be daddy’s daughter. Sorry Achik, dun envy me ya.*LOL* But btw Abah, actually I got one more thing in my wish list…or is it two?? What a good money spender daughter I am >.<

Bout the dolphins saver squad, Ive been trying to upload this pic since before but due to some problem,only now it can be published. Feel free to join our team. Together we save the dolphins. :D

*till I blog maself again*