im at fault-hither and thither

Give the world the best you have-and it never be enough. Funny rite, do the best you can do to satisfy everybody and yet they mock and mock and talk bad about you. Ironically when they need to seek help or ideas, this very tiny, unimportant person would be the first choice. Life is weird somehow. I must admit, right now I’m facing the hardest time. I was happy before, and my life was a worth living, but now all the glorious, cheerful time has gone with the wind. I know it’s not easy to find friends who can be exactly the same with the one who were with us before. What I can’t accept is that no matter how hard I tried, I just can’t get rid of this feeling. Still, I need my friends. MY FRIENDS!



I’m sick of this depressing life. I don’t have the strength to tell the very same story ever again. The breathlessness continues until I eventually stop talking and bottle up my feeling. I can barely speak a word to anybody. I don’t think the world is round anymore and no matter how long you trace where the rainbow ends, you’ll never found it.



I wonder how could people be so bad and heart be so fragile.

People are often unreasonable illogical and self centered
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives
Be kind anyway

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies
Succeed anyway

If you are honest and frank they may cheat you
Be forthright anyway

What you spend years building they may destroy
Over night
Build anyway

The good you do today they often will forget tomorrow
Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have and it will never be enough
Give the world the best you got anyway

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway

Ps: For a “friend” who jerks at bloggers who use blog to express their frustration, dissatisfaction etc rather than facing the person themselves, I think you’re wrong. It is way better from people who blow themselves up in blogging (gotcha!)Remind you, write to express, not to impress. Say anything, I just don’t care. It’s my blog anyway.

March 31,2009

back to dat place..again!

• Few hours left before I go back to Penang. This holiday was totally a hectic one, as I spent most of my time doing homework and assignment. Well I think I got new definition of holiday btw! Wholly-used day! :D

• I wished I've used my time wiser, since I dont think I spent much time on revising. Thruout this hols, I just finished my homework, prepared for the presentation and little bit of revising. It was scary, sure it did. The exam is just round the corner, and I dont think Im well prepared for it. Seriously Im not! Lazy bone :P

• Btw I got a bad news. Its not bad but you know..At least it sounds bad.My dad just lost bout 3000rm. Not stolen or lost, but on me.Ok thats the price to pay for having a child like me..Owh Im such a bad daughter,kan? But its ok Abah, its a good investment. I'll promise to study MORE! hehe~thanks for the present! (yes,its a present!)

• What more?? Owh, bout Monday. On Monday, I'll be having my LDV presentation, ALONE, and its part of the assignment! OMG now I wish I am The Big Mouth! But as The Big Hand, Im sure I'll be ok in writing. Gee~ calm down,calm down..its just another presentation..I can do it..yeah! But but but (theres always be but) at night, I'll also be having my Social Study class, which will be for the revision question, and the first group will be...mine! Gosh! Why I always be the lucky number 1? *first come first severed* And the lecturer will be.. Miss Pat. Owh Im thrilled *.* So to Dolphins, I guess there will be no more clubbing. *bubbye mommy zouk* We'll be focusing more on our mock exam. Know your priority!!

• As I dont finish my work yet, and I dont even pack my things, I guess its better for me to stop here. Hopefully tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow will be a good day. Wish me luck!

xoxo,

S.

.death like conception.

death like conception

arrives with the whims of fate

or the gentleness

of the moment.

now death stood in your soul,

the tenant body has surrendered

its blood and life-redness

to its owner,

stock-taker

but death should not come

to the pulsating cells,

not after convalescene,

the rest of renewal.

but it came

and it took you along.

home is where

you return at last,

at the end of the truncated

winding road..

to baby Umar Hamzah, may you rest in peace.

Al-Fatihah.

a vanished friend called---"It"

A vanished friend, but ironically the person is still here but it seems like the person is near but yet so far away. Not talking, not sharing. Just living our days assuming that we never know each other. Ermm..okay. Not that bad. But doesn’t it hurts to know that someone who used to be closed to us choose to isolate us (in their own way of course) and both pretend that we don’t matter much to each other? Owh its so damned yes!! Its hurt!!

My vanished friend—or can I called it “It” hurts me so much when “It” choose to draw a line between us. We used to be very close but then without we realizing we’re going apart. It’s so obvious that “It” don’t want me to be in its bunch of friends, providing all of them are “good” people and I don’t belong with them. Its all started when someone new came in our friendship. At first “It” was fine; “It” seemed okay with the newbie. But then “It” started to act weird, keep looking for my fault and everything seem wrong in “its” eyes. And now, even when I text “It”, its either no reply or an-hour-delayed-reply. Friendship is weird isn’t it? I always thought that friends don’t leave, but now I learn that they will eventually leave when they feel like leaving us. Unfortunately in my case I was the one who was blamed, ironically for being left behind.

One question, are we good enough to judge others? I don’t mean daily gossiping judging people in the basis of clothes or attitude, but harshly telling people that they are bad and not as good as you. This is what “It” did to me. Providing “It” is sooooooooooooooo damned good that "It” feels that "It” is a better person. I don’t like to talk bad about people but this thing really drives me up the wall. Funny rite accusing people for being bad when you are actually worse than them but hiding all your wrongdoings with all the pious thing you claimed you did. Poor friend, I think you should see yourself first and think back are you good enough to talk somebody else’s wrongdoings. I maybe bad from your eyes, but at least there are things that I didn’t do, but you,(the pious one) do.

For all these time I’ve been defending “It” from others who say bad things about “It” , that “It” is narrow minded, harsh, rude, hypocrite just because I thought we are friends. But now I proudly say that they are right. You’re no good. And for the first time ever, I don’t regret losing a friend. A fake friend, and I called it "It"

ps: Poor grammar, I know. Mixed of emotions are trembling inside me.But since neither Madam Lee nor Mr Teoh would read this, I dont really care. Mind my English :D